By Ene Elizabeth Adeka
There are too many mediocre things in life already, love shouldn’t be added to the list.
Toxic relationships!
Breakups!
Darling! We’ve all had our fair share of unruly boyfriends and not-so-rosy relationships.
How are ya? I have missed you…what have you been up to? You can scoot down to the comment box and answer that or better still, let’s gossip over email. Click here to start the gist.
So back to our side chick battles…the last post,HOW VALUABLE ARE YOU WITHOUT A RELATIONSHIP? dealt extensively on why having a boyfriend is not exactly a CV item and why you should work on adding an extra line to your title besides “Hi, my name is Jane Doe and I have a boyfriend.” This week, the spotlight is on you Mami!
HELP! HE’S CHEATING ON ME…
Quiet now…let’s not start the battle cries. Away with the girls and every red demon seated on your shoulder whispering, “Knife or battle axe?” Such thinking will only land you in a lawsuit. Let me start by saying it is not OK to stay in a relationship that keeps going against the grain!
However , it sometimes happen that just when you think you must have met Mr. Right, it is not totally out of place to find yourself between the devil and the deep blue sea. You may catch yourself carelessly admiring another weeks after “the man of your dreams” walks into your life and says, “Baby, let’s paint the world with our love.” The same applies to the men.
Nevertheless, while you’re not exactly the only fish in the pond, you certainly are what he needs for breakfast, lunch and life. So when he catches you and decides to go a-fishing again, lady! It’s time to go back to the ocean. And this is how you swim back home…scroll down soul sister.
What To Do When You Discover He Has a Side Chick
1. Don’t panic! No…..don’t lose your cool and go about destroying stuff. Abort mission! Return to base and sit all by yourself. Call a trusted friend only if you’re sure a third party is needed otherwise find a quiet corner and begin to plot your escape.
2. Don’t become a spy. Quit looking up information about the other woman. Do not launch a CIA, FBI or Satellite Surveillance system on her. Look where that landed you in the first place. Focus on yourself. Admittedly, this is a whole lot easier to say than do but you’d be saving yourself from the harmful aftermaths of unhealthy comparison.
3. Don’t go crazy on the text messages. Don’t start reminding him of how you spent all your money so he could buy the car he’s been using to pick up side chicks, don’t remind him of how you gave everything up for his sake, don’t tell him what is at stake because the truth is if it mattered, you wouldn’t be here in the first place. Instead, raise the stakes, honey.
4. Examine yourself. Perhaps you started becoming unattractive, perhaps you gave the slightest hint that you were tired and in a bid to save himself, he ditched you first. These aren’t reasons enough to justify his bad behaviour but at the same time we can’t be too sure you didn’t contribute in spoiling the broth. If your me-check turns up nothing then…
5. Face the truth courageously and lay your cards on the table...at this point you’d have to choose between forgiveness and foregoing. Are you sure you want to do the work repairing broken trust requires? Is he remorseful or simply sorry you found out? Do you want to live your life wondering what he’s out doing, who he is out with and why?
6. Be preoccupied. If you decide to forgive and move on, he must not be handed a second like some right he is entitled to. He must prove he’s worthy of a reconsideration and show it in a practical, measurable and appreciable manner.
7. Move on if you still don’t trust him. You’d be punishing the both of you if you decide to forgive but not trust again because he’d be forever trying to make up while you keep the suspicions coming.
8. Don’t go on a revenge mission. Don’t call up that guy who has been asking you out or winking at you at the supermarket. It would only amount to a rebound relationship. Focus on healing, working on yourself and moving on to greater things before you…
9. Come back and through a rebranded,healed and valuable you, show him the treasure chest he threw away for a fling with some few miserable pieces of copper coins.
10. Take yourself out. Go to church, some nice restaurant or even hang out with the girls. Paul Coelho says, “If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.”
Are you currently in a toxic relationship? Did you just break up or are you in a loving relationship and you want to help share tips on how to sweeten your relationship? Start a conversation in the comment box. Until I come your way next week…faya on!
