Fears are unavoidable. Settle this fact in your heart.
As one of seven universal emotions, nobody is completely fearless indefinitely. Great people simply have sustained the ability to act in spite of fear.
Late Dr. Myles Munroe once said, “You can only change what you confront.” As we journey toward the end of 2023, you must decide to confront and deal with the fears that have held you down and back from making meaningful progress.
I know falling in love again after a particularly painful breakup, trusting people after experiencing abuse, unresolved trauma, fear of the unknown are a few of the fears we may experience at intervals. You are not alone. Henry Ford said:
One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.”
– Henry Ford
There could be many positive factors responsible for delayed decisions. Still, when we take too long to arrive at concrete decisions, especially life-changing decisions, fear is more often than not one culprit.
Your Fears are Not Unique; They are Universal
I have had many fear-riddled moments; one time, I dislocated my left knee, and when I saw the grotesque angle of my twisted kneecap, a holy fear came upon me in that split second.
Another time, I was a student on industrial training attachment at the NNPC, and one fine work day, we had to go for what we call “dipping.”
Dipping ascertains the levels and temperatures of the petroleum products in storage tanks. One storage tank could hold as much as 120,000 litres of diesel, kerosene, or petrol and be as high as 20 metres above the ground.
Dearest reader, my batch began the upward climb on this particular day using the firmly attached ladder wrapped around the storage tank like a python. One minute into our climb, I did the unthinkable and had my eureka moment where acrophobia (fear of heights) is concerned.
Boy, did I shout! Houses and cars became tiny ants, and that day, I had a revelation: anything that tested gravity was not for me. This includes bungee jumping and all its cousins. Count me out!
Our response to fear often falls within these categories: fight, flight, freeze or fawn. This article by Verywellmind explains how the Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses are how our brain keeps us safe in potentially dangerous situations. I am not dwelling on them. What I will be hammering on is the 3 fears you must confront and overcome.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.
– Helen Keller
3 Fears You Must Overcome
The King James Version of the Bible says, “Fear not” or “Be not afraid” 103 times. That is more than enough “fear nots” to encourage our anxious hearts.
There is a comforting verse of Scripture I love so much, “Be anxious for NOTHING!” I love it because fear and anxiety are siamese twins; they walk hand in glove.
Here are three (3) fears you must confront and change to make meaningful progress:
- The fear of loss
- The fear of rejection
- The fear of the opinion of others
Let’s quickly dive into them. Shall we?
The Fear of Loss
The fear of loss could be towards things or people. As a Christian, I see what universalists call karma as harvest. You will always reap what you sow one day or day one, and this law holds true for both love and hate.
I understand that the fear of loss can be so crippling that it sometimes manifests as loss aversion. We are afraid of the things or people we have before we even have them, and so we try to counterattack by developing loose connections to the things that actually matter.
I experienced the fear of loss when I lost my grandfather in 2020 and a couple of other relationships I considered dear to my heart. Eventually, I began to form superficial bonds with even the people I truly loved, and at some point, I was holding everyone like a pinch of salt.
I am learning to conquer this fear by understanding that as long as I am in the will of God, in God, there are no losses; there are only seeds. If I loved and lost, God is able to give that seed of love another body. If I manage a business and failed, I have lessons on how not to manage the next one.
My dear friend often says, “Do not be so used to chaos that you fail to recognize and embrace peace.” For you, I will say, not everyone will leave you in the middle of nowhere, and not everything will fail.
Take the risk to love, begin from scratch or dive into the deep end of that decision today! You will not lose!
The Fear of Rejection
Last year was a year of rejections for me. From grants to fellowships to even myself, I was down in the dumps. In the midst of all the “We are sorry to inform you,” emails, I almost forgot to count my wins! And I had some notable wins last year!
Tell me, how many times did one rejection episode drive you to stare at the mirror and begin to ask existential questions, doubt your worth and shortchange yourself?
I have been there more times than I can count. If it is in the area of your craft, my one advice for you is to build competence and character. Be so good, you become a reference.
If you loved, and they left, love is unexhaustive. Heal so you do not bleed on another who possibly truly loves you. Do not be in a hurry to ditch the wild, wild wilderness of a breakup.
Channel the pain and regret into something worthwhile, spend time with God, and love platonically until you collide with romance. On a final note, know and understand the love of God, and love God because it is the foundation for loving and being loved successfully.
The Fear of the Opinion of Others
I love this one! People can become your greatest motivation or undoing. Either ways, you decide what they are to you. Another thing you must know and be ready to weather is people will always talk, whether you act or not.
I am not advocating for an arrogant approach to life where you are not accountable to anyone, and you’re the lord and saviour of your life. If that is your perspective, you need help.
If you always ask, “What will people say?” you need three things:
- Wise Counsel/ Wisdom (through men or prayer)
- Convictions
- Courage
Two ways you can get wisdom/courage: prayer, and men/women who are living the life or something remotely close to the life or decision you want.
If you waste too much time considering the opinion of others, especially over things that have passed the wisdom/prayer and counsel test, you are not convicted.
Convictions always birth courage. When I started out in writing, I knew people who didn’t exactly have anything kosher to say. Still, I stayed at it. I am still at it. Be so convicted, you convince them!
On a final note, I will leave you with the words of Theodore Roosevelt:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
And my words of course:
You will not be remembered for the things you feared; you will be remembered for the things you did in spite of the fears.
-Ene Elizabeth Adeka
Let me know what you have been afraid to do in the comments section or send an email to ene@blacksafayadotcom.
