Before I dive into today’s topic, thank you to all our visitors from Russia, Ukraine, South Africa and the U.S. WE LOVE YOU!
Now back to how you can avoid heartbreaks!
Imagine going to the supermarket without any idea what you want to buy…you will shop for anything. But what if you make a comprehensive list of what you need and then venture out? You save time, money and every other resource available.
One of the most common mistakes I see young people make in relationships is in the areas of relationship mentors and how having the necessary knowledge can help you avoid heartbreaks.
Who is your relationship reference?
People admire couples from afar, call them mentors and go exactly the opposite direction in search of the same results.
The same principles apply when choosing a life partner. If you do not have a reference, anything/ anyone will look marriageable.
1. Who do you want to become?
You must think of the type of man/ woman you want to become. I didn’t wait until it was time for me to enter a relationship to find the people who represented what I wanted my future family to look like.
Think of who you want to become in terms of:
- Mental goals
- Relationship goals
- Career goals
- Spiritual goals
- Health goals
Take an extra step of faith by connecting with people who are experts in the areas you desire growth. Follow @relationshipsandmarriage for awesome relationship tips.
2. Who are your mentors?
You cannot be mentored passively.
You have got to be intentional about following them, showing up and asking the necessary questions that can help you avoid heartbreaks. Read this for more on relationship mentors.
3. Accountability
Who do you listen to? Who can call him to order should he begin to act in a way you are not comfortable with?
You say Mrs. B is your mentor on Face book but you take decisions like you are accountable to nobody.
There is a minimum amount of accountability that must be present in your relationship if you really are serious about avoiding heartbreaks.
4. Boundaries
If you want to enter a relationship or you are in a relationship, you must be ready to become as frank as Apostle Paul in the area of reinforcing your commitment verbally and even with your actions.
This is especially necessary when you are a people person and you have tons of friends of the opposite sex in your circle. People must be taught how to conduct themselves in your space. Teach them how to relate with you.
5. Finances
Relationships are capital intensive. There are cakes to bake, food to buy, dates to embark on and the marriage to plan. Don’t think of your finances passively especially when you are in a relationship.
If one of you is already financially established, it is important for the one who is not so strong in the area of finances to begin to think of ways they can increase earning ability.
You will have greater peace in that relationship if none of you are under duress to provide for the other.
6. Expectations
Most times, we are unable to avoid heartbreaks because we fall short of expectations or standards we have no idea exist in the head of our partner.
What exactly do they expect from you? What do you want from them? Do not assume you know, you have got to ask them and while you are at it, you may want to chip in yours too.
“Commitment is doing the right thing even when you feel like doing the wrong thing.”
7. Common goal(s) and Life Pursuits
No matter how different your ambitions and goals are from your partner’s, there has got to be a point where the parallel lines meet.
These could be your love for children, travelling and adventure or mentoring younger people.
Although your interests may not be completely the same, a wide disparity in interests and goals will eventually lead to a heartbreak if the two parties involved do not find similarities or traits that complement each other.
8. Values and convictions
From sex to religious convictions, you should first know what your values and convictions are in the equation before you think of another.
What is permissible in your relationship? Any deal breakers? What kind of partner do you want (character, emotional intelligence, faith, etc.)?
9. Fears and Uncertainties
It is not OK to sweep things under the carpet. Talk to them about any nagging fear or uncertainty you believe has a bearing on the trajectory of the relationship.
You may want to also be open but discreet about the information you divulge about past relationships. Do not say anything more or less than is necessary, should they ask you.
10. Friends and acquaintances
Try to make friends with people who are also building their relationship the right way. Identify future families you would like to be associated with and invest in such relationships.
These will be your relationship banks in the years to come, family friends for the journey ahead and your very own circle of influence.
Don’t wait until marriage before identify homes like the one you’d like to have, start investing in such relationships now.
