The Side Chick Syndrome: How Valuable are You Without a Relationship?

The side effects of being a side chick far outweigh the benefits…but the ball is on your side of the court.

Side Chicks!

For the next couple of weeks, yours truly will be dwelling here. I guess I want to talk about the elephant in your room; the words you have been choking on but have been unable to muster enough courage to cough out. Let me however warn you, your boyfriend is about to become your ex-boyfriend. Somebody’s heart just did a double take.

I recently spent some time on Wiki How reading those “how to” articles. Imagine my surprise when I came across the “How to be a side chick” article. Click to be amused.  I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I however, went on to read the “helpful tips” and I couldn’t help but nod in agreement. That article sure must have been written by an experienced side chick. But I’m not here to teach you how to become a side chick and while this article is in no way an attempt to ruin your day, if the shoe fits baby, then you have got to wear it.

Minor Matters

There are five areas of your life that majorly summarize your person:

1. Relationships
2. Finances
3. Spirituality
4. Health
5. Mind

Let us start by separating the majority from the minority. You catch my drift? A side chick is any and every person who is a third wheel, fall back plan, a maybe, perhaps, sometimes and once-in-a-while partner in a “relationship”. Classify yourself.

Permit us (me, myself and I) to call a spade a spade, not a spoon,  not a fork, not a bucket…a spade.  Remember those five areas of your life?  Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for your relationships with others and how well you thrive in those four other areas is largely dependent on how healthy your relationship is.

Our relationships have a way of either motivating us or slowing down our progress. Think for instance that you had your life planned out until you met this great guy and found yourself completely nuts and head over heels in love. It matters if you’re in for a fling or the long haul. It matters whether you’ll  be investing in something or someone that would yield profitable results in the long run.

Uncertainties in relationships have a way of creeping into all other areas of our life, rendering us unproductive and ultimately draining us of useful energy we can channel or re-direct somewhere more fruitful.

  The Side Chick Syndrome (SCS)

SCS as we have decided to call it is a state of being where you willingly (consciously)  or unconsciously (very rare)  find yourself doing another’s emotional labour.  You’re like a surrogate girlfriend, the entertainer; fit to be called up only in a moment of boredom or when the need arises which in most times involves sex with no strings attached.

SCS sometimes arises from a genuine desire to be loved or a complete lack of self-worth. In most cases, it arises from a need to make ends meet, financial pressures or the insatiable yearning to feel among.

All individuals suffering from SCS have these in common: they have a twisted sense of self-esteem, have not discovered purpose, are fearful, do not feel deserving of a love that requires no gimmicks or drama, lack focus or simply do not have a vision for where their life is headed.

An individual who has set goals and vision for their life choose who they build with and choose wisely, they do.

You’re Valuable, Without a Relationship

If you had to stop and meditate on this, then you obviously need to sit with yourself, remove “pseudo-Bae” from the equation and evaluate your true worth. I always ask a simple question: Supposing you had a job that paid six figures a year and the assurance of a Prince Charming somewhere, someday loving you to pieces, would you be with whoever you’re with now? ”

Your emotions are necessary if you’re to ace those new year resolutions and what the SCS does is introduce destructive feelings into the equation. You can argue that not all side chicks are unhappy but I bet you, when the lights go off after another CIA-like meeting with Bae, or when they come across “major chick” on vacation with Bae, that heart that seem to not care whether the relationship is short-term or long-term would always climb into bed wondering if that’s all it would ever be: a fall back plan.

If you need a relationship to validate your existence, especially a relationship in which you’re aware that you do not call the shots, that your man is in truth “our man” and you’re nothing but a minor share holder of the rights to ownership , darling send me an email.

You deserve someone to call Bae and not wonder if it’s a chorus a thousand others are singing. Your life does not need this kind of complication. It needs clarity, focus and headway.

Today, I leave you with this simple question: ARE YOU VALUABLE WITHOUT A RELATIONSHIP???

If yes, hit me up in the comment box and let’s connect you with other valuable people like you. Next week, we continue…until then, faya on!