Trust Issues? Here’s How to Stop the Voices

Trust is a million-dollar investment and one you shouldn’t take recklessly. In the iconic movie, Titanic,  for instance, there is a scene where Jack asks Rose whether or not she trusts him…

“Do you trust me?” he asks as he reaches for her hands.

The rest that follows happen in a blur with Celine Dion closing the curtain with that heart-wrenching rendition of My Heart Will Go On.

Trust!

We want it.

We wish they’d reinforce it.

We pray they don’t break it.

We hope to earn it.

But do we really know how to identify those we can trust?

Your Relationship Is as Healthy as Your Trust Level for Them

Trust is one thing which in my opinion must be in place for any relationship to grow. When you don’t trust them, you will always suspect them and once you begin to suspect them, you will doubt their intentions towards you. 

Once you begin to doubt them, you will disbelief or second guess everything they do for you and in their alone time.

Once disbelief sets in, you will begin to resent and disrespect them. You won’t honour your commitment to them because after all, “who knows what they are doing behind your back?”.

It begins with distrusts.

How Do You Deal With Trust Issues?

What do you do when you cannot trust someone no matter how hard you try?

Go to the root.

What is causing your lack of trust?

Is it a behaviour they must have exhibited in the past?

Is it something you saw or heard about them?

Is it your low self-esteem? Here is my blog post on how to deal with low self-esteem.

Is it your inability to move on from past experiences?

Whatever it is, you have to to confront it if you are to put an end to it. Confrontation will lead you to know if you can deal with it, if you ought to deal with yourself or if you have to walk away from them.

How Do you Know You Can Trust Them?

There are many options out there on how you can know who to trust but I choose to draw lessons from the Bible. Three profound ways you can know who to trust is so simply stated in the Bible that you may even miss the lessons because of how subtle they are.

These lessons can be applied to almost everyone in your life you consider sharing your moments with. From the love of your life to that person you just met in the supermarket, you can know if they are worthy of your trust by applying these truths.

Truths about Trust

Now please note that trust is not like drinking water. You don’t just look at a person and say, “I trust you.”  We are suspicious by nature and so we want to be sure the person is not a serial killer or s voodoo witch that has come to cast a spell. I’m just kidding. 

Also, you’re not out to trust everybody. You just need to make a conscious effort to build trust with those you believe you have a future with. Especially the man you love.

Three Indices for Measuring Trust

Are they Close ?

You cannot build trust acting like Batman, appearing only at night. You have to draw close to your target. This is why serial killers have been known to befriend their victims before taking them out. But we’re not talking killers here. Lol

Closeness will entail becoming vulnerable and that I know is a hard thing to do. Take it from someone who has struggled with this vulnerability talk. 😂 Download my free E-book here to understand vulnerability.

Ever wondered why long distance relationship seem to have the most trust issues? Proximity helps to deflate conflict. Distance magnifies doubt.  👈Read this twice.

If they are distant, aloof or August Visitors, do not be in a hurry to bestow your trust on them not because they are bad people. You are simply asking them to give more than they are willing to commit at such a time.

Other times, it could be that they are also checking you out and making sure you’re the right person for them. Either ways, my point is they have to be  close for trust to find expression.  Same goes for you.

Now you know why God says, “I’ll never leave you nor forsake you.” Trust sticks around!

Are they Consistent?

A friend and I went out to eat one day and without asking him, I placed his order. When his food came, it was accompanied by water. Mine came with an appreciable bottle of my favourite Choco drink.

He raised a brow and said, “Why water for me?”

“In all my years of knowing you, you’ve never requested for anything other than water to go with a meal, “ I smoothly replied.

“Really?” he rolled his eyes. “Am I that predictable?”

He is that predictable.

Consistency Builds Faith in Another Person

Why would I choose not to believe someone who says they saw him gulping down alcohol together with a meal? Because. You cannot drink water with a meal consistently for three  years in front of me and suddenly become an alcoholic overnight. That’s what consistency does. It enhances your faith in that person.

You cannot trust a person who is unstable in words and actions. Today blue is red, another day, it is green. Consistency is a foremost ingredient in trust. This is why the Lord remains the same. Ages come and go, seasons come and go, but He remains the same.

If someone is in your life and you think they have come to stay, look at their consistency over time in:

1. Their beliefs and convictions

2. Their values

3. Their actions

4. Their words

5. Their relationship with others

A double-minded person is always unstable. An unstable person can never be trustworthy. By the way, you can only guage consistency by being close. 

Are they Confidential?

Thanks to social media, the world is in need of this virtue. There is a difference between being secretive and being confidential. One is exhibited by witches, the other is an attribute of trustworthy persons. 

You need the assurance that this person will not spill his  guts where it is not necessary. You can run to them with that little sin and habit and be assured you won’t be  the subject of church or community gossip.

A Confidential Person is an Asset

In my local church and the department I serve, one of the foremost characteristic any person looking to become a part of us must possess is confidentiality. Your bowels must be deep.

You must possess the ability to sit on your tongue and that juicy gossip no matter how hard-pressed you are to share it.

You cannot and should not trust someone whose mouth is like a leaking faucet. One way to know whether or not they are confidential is in the number of things you’ve heard about others and their lives in the time they have spent with you.

A confidential person releases secrets in batches and only when necessary. A confidential person is discreet with names and locations and anything at all that can become an indictment on another person.

Here is a short prayer on becoming confidential by a famous King in the Bible:

“Set a guard over my mouth o Lord and keep watch over the doors of my lips.”

Finally, remember trust is a two-way street. You also have to work on becoming trustworthy and if you are asking how to become that person, well it is not hard:

Be consistent!

Be confidential!

Be Close!

I understand that we have weaknesses and as women especially, our need to express ourselves can sometimes overcome the need to be discreet. Nevertheless, trust is something you can earn and you earn it by practicing these three things.

That’s it for today, I’m sorry I’ve been off here. But no worries, you can trust me. I’ll be close, I’ll be confidential and I’ll be consistent! Share with someone having trust issues. I just sent it to me. Hehehe…